You can do hard shit

For those that didn't follow my old blog, here is a little back story on my life.

I went to college out of high school and was there for 3 years ended up having not 1 but 2 back surgeries within months of each other. Woke up from my second with no feeling in my lower right leg from my knee to my toes.

I was in physical therapy 3x's a week for 6 months learning how to walk again. It was HARD!!!!! 

After a slight detour in my life of finding myself I guess we will call it, I worked my butt off and got back into school. 

In the midst of this I began to run, it was my escape it was my way to get out everything I couldn't or rather shouldn't say out loud. I wasn't fast or out to be the fastest I just needed a way to escape.

I then decided to run a half marathon and that ish was hard!!!! Just 4 short years before that I was learning how to walk again and now I'm going to RUN 13.1 miles!! It was official I had lost my ever lovin' mind. I started training one day and just went with it. 

Lets recap--I am back in school and the oldest in a vast majority of my classes and that's hard and now I'm training to run a half marathon and guess what that is hard too!!!!

I ran that half marathon and I walked across that stage with my college diploma!!! I did HARD SHIT!!! And as scary as it is you can to. 

When I moved to the bay and started my new job I thought for sure that I was going to get fired or I was going to quit, it was HARD!!! I have a picture of me with my medal after my half in my office and when I look at that picture I'm reminded that I CAN DO HARD SHIT and I may come out on the other side a little more bruised and banged up but I freaking did it!!

Don't let fear keep you from getting your dream, remember that you can do hard shit and when you cross that finish line or walk that stage with a diploma it is worth every bit of sweat, blood, and tears it took to get you there!!!

BrOkEn

I am single in every sense of the word. 

And to be real honest I am not always okay with it. I try to be I honestly do and most times I get pretty good at it.

Then I try, I try to date and I find a really decent guy, one of those that you are pretty sure ONLY exist in fairy tales. Things are good for a few weeks and I allow myself to start falling for him, I allow myself to start thinking of the future. 

Then it happens I get scared I push him away my hot mess side comes out and BAM I'm back to square one! 

I didn't even realize until recently how broken I really am. I have been single for awhile now and I am totally over my ex, I don't guess I'm over what he did to me. I'm terrified that if I speak my mind or if I have a bad day and take it out on the person closest to me  (tell me I'm not the only person that does that?!?!?) he will run. They always do. 

I am bitter and honestly had no idea I was. I want nothing more than to see the good in people and even though it may not always seem like it my heart is always in the right place. The moment I allow myself to fall is the moment things go wrong. Am I making that  up in my head and it just seems like that I'm sure! That doesn't stop me from being scared. 

Here's the thing about being scared, it gets me nowhere. I'm scared to get hurt so what do I do?!?! Push them away because that makes sense right?!?! (side eye to myself)

I can actually feel myself being to do it and by the time I realize just what I've done its to late to fix it. 

However, being scared is not a valid excuse I'm 25 26 (okay fine I'm 27 years old) and if I continue to be scared and not take chances what exactly will that get me?!?!?! A whole lotta nothing!!! And though I do think it is to late to fix my latest cluster eff maybe next time I'll be less scared and more ready for the unknown.

The Bay Life

Good Morning y'all!!!

It has been a long time since I sat down to blog, almost a year if not over a year! I blogged for a long time before The Bay Life and got so caught up in trying to have the most followers or the most comments. Blogging isn't about that for me anymore, it is just about getting my thoughts out and if someone else can relate GREAT!! If not I'm certain that my story is good for at least one or two laughs :). 

The Bay Life, has just started for me, I FINALLY finished college in May and moved by the bay shortly (1 day late) there after. A new job, a new city, and making new friends has been difficult but I'm enjoying the adventure. 

I hope that y'all come back to visit and that y'all learn a thing or two about this crazy thing called life right along side of me :)