....someone to take the trash out......

I have been single for awhile and it isn't always the most fun thing I've ever done in my life. I realize it is necessary for whatever God's plans are for my life.

Sometimes I get tired of going to weddings alone, couples showers alone, family events alone, to the movies alone, or out to dinner, you guessed it.....alone.

I do most everything in my life without a plus 1, it's really tiring at times and I sometimes feel like God picked the wrong girl, He picked the wrong girl to do this thing called life alone. When things are hard and I just want to cry and have someone else make dinner, He picked the wrong girl. When I have yet another wedding to go to alone, He picked the wrong girl. When I have another family event alone, He picked the wrong girl. When there is a concert in town and I want to go, but don't want to go alone, He picked the wrong girl.

And sometimes the simple truth is sometimes, I just want someone else to take my trash out. I have been walking by my trashcan for the past few days and it has gotten more and more full (hold on now, I'm not filthy it just needs to be taken out and I just don't have the time at the moment) and I think to myself "Oh crap, I still need to take the trash out" and then I continue running out the door to whatever I have next and I get home and that darn trash is still there.

Yesterday, I thought it would be so nice to just have someone else take the trash out. And in an instant, I felt powerless, I can take my own d&m! trash out! I can go to the 400th wedding alone, I can make dinner even when I just want someone to hug me so tight my pieces fit back together. I can go to the family event and answer that God just hasn't sent the right one yet, when I get asked for the one millionth time why I'm single. I can go to that concert alone no matter how humiliating that might be for.

I will absolutely not lie to you and say that this season is an easy time in my life, cuuuuus it ain't y'all!! It just ain't. It's hard and sometimes dark and ugly. There are times when I feel forgotten or like I am being punished for something I did or didn't do. There are times when the silence in my apartment is deafening. There are times when I am so alone that it feels like a weight is sitting on my chest. There are times when I am struggling to pay bills and I think if I just had a second source of income to take some of the burden (I'm working 2 jobs, so please no remarks about getting a second job). There are times (a lot of them) that I yelled at Him and tell Him that "HE PICKED THE WRONG GIRL"!!!!!!! But He didn't pick the wrong girl.

He picked the right girl and until He picks the right guy, I'll just take my own trash out.

Looking back....

I can't believe that it has been 2 years since I blogged regularly. For a long time I did it as a way to remember all the things that I knew I would forget, then I did it as a way to get "noticed" because who doesn't want to be internet famous?!?!?!

I'm not sure who is still reading this little corner of the world, but I figured I'd give an update as to what has gone in on the last 2 years.

The last time I wrote I was living super close to the bay (hence the name), I was working at a crane rental company and struggling with where God had me. In November of 2016, I was offered a job at a private school downtown and I thought surly with all the other jobs I've been passed over for this is where God needs me. In a way, it was because I had only been there a few weeks when my grandpa had hip surgery and things just weren't "right", I was able to leave work and go be with him at my old job I wouldn't have been able to do that.

In February 2017, I got notice that the school would be closing (and in that moment I thought "well this is not looking good for the home team"), even though I was told I would have a job, I started looking because I didn't know what else to do. Around this same time my grandpa had a car accident and again my job let me leave to go be with him, looking back now I can see that God placed me there so that I would be able to go spend time with my family.

 And after many interviews and a lot of "no's", God placed me exactly where I needed to be and this time I just trusted Him and let Him handle it all. In July of 2017, I started my current job. Where I am now is strictly because of Him, my co-workers are amazing and we get along so well, we work hard and play even harder. Though, I missed what I thought was my dream job, I know now why I went through all that I did.

I also met a family that would have the largest impact on my life to date, they have taught me what it looks like to trust solely on Him, they have taught me how to get past hard things, how to do brave things, how to burn the lies, they believe in me when I don't believe in myself. And I know that if I weren't in the job that I am now, doors that have started to open never would have.

I think the largest change in my life, is my relationship with Jesus, it isn't always easy, but I have learned to lean into Him, to trust Him, I have started going to bible study and the community I have found there is exactly what my soul was needing. The journey has been so rewarding, I have always known Jesus, but in these last few months I have FOUND Him and my goodness was my soul needing that as well!

Restoring my Soul

A few weeks ago, I attended a women's retreat that I would HIGHLY recommend!

The Soul Restoration, changed my life. I realized that it doesn't matter the age of the people around you or the experiences common ground can be anywhere!

I was the youngest camper there and even though some of the ladies were old enough to be my mom (literally, ladies), I haven't felt that connected with someone I just met in, I don't know ever?!?!? I learned so much about myself and why I am the way that I am, I learned that boundaries are the only way to handle certain relationships.

I learned to just sit and listen to those that are hurting just like I am. I learned to trust the process, I learned to cry harder. I learned that I am thankful for the tools that I have to change the course of my life. To be better equipped to handle the enemy, I can do better and be better!!

For the first time, in a long time I felt welcomed, loved, and like I belonged!

Self-Respect

Wow, I've been needing to knock the dust off of this old thing, and today seemed like a good day to do so.

The past few years since my last post (literally years..) my life has changed in ways I can't even begin to explain. I have had 2 new jobs, moved cities, and met people that would forever change the course of my life.

One of those ladies has a podcast The Brave Collective, on one of the episodes they discussed "self-respect" and over the past few months I've asked myself  A LOT "Does this look like self-respect?" If it didn't I tried very hard to let it go. I won't lie and say it has been the easiest thing to do, because sometimes when it no longer looks like self-respect that means it looks like being single again, finding a part time job, finding a new job, finding a new place to live whatever the case may be, it isn't always unicorns and rainbows.

Last night while driving to bible study, I sent someone a text asking if they had time to "squeeze me in" literally, those were my words. And in that moment, I asked myself "WHERE IN THE F&C* IS MY SELF-RESPECT IN THIS!?!?!?!?" And y'all I was ashamed of myself, ashamed that I wasn't being brave and ashamed that I was begging this person to make some time for me. I knew that, that was NOT self-respect and that God has things lined up for me, that I'm not going to have to beg for.

Self-respect is a hard one, it isn't always a bubble bath and wine (thou those are some of my favorite things!), sometimes it's about not chasing the things that we know won't be good for us, it's about having a hard conversation with someone we care about, it's about showing up for that friend when you are totally exhausted and just want to climb in bed. Sometimes self-respect is saying no to toxic people regardless of who they are in your life.

What is self-respect in your life?!?!?!

Liebster Award

So the ever so sweet Jen over at Crown Me in Glitter nominated me for the Liebster award a few weeks ago! I LOVE her, she is absolutely hilarious and always has something GREAT to say :). The award is for new bloggers that have less than 200 followers to help get more readers. I wasn't sure what we used for the 200 so if one of your sites had less than 200 I picked you :)

Here are the rules for the Liebster Award:

Thank the Blogger that nominated you in your post and link back to their site

Answer 11 questions from the Blogger that nominated you

Tell your readers 11 random facts about you

Nominate 11 Bloggers for the Liebster Awards

Ask your nominees to answer 11 questions

Questions for my nominees:

What is your favorite ice cream? Blue Bell Cookie Dough Ice Cream (if you haven't had Blue Bell you are missing out!!!!)

What is your drink of choice at Starbucks? Tall Skinny Vanilla Latte

If you could be any candy, what would you be and why? Pink Starburst because it is my favorite

Who is your favorite Friends character!? (Please don’t tell me you don’t watch Friends!) Rachel she is so level headed (at times) and is funny without even trying to be. 

Favorite childhood memory? All of the late night coon hunting trips I went on with my grandpa, I LOVE those memories. 

If you could only keep 5 material items for the rest of your life, what would they be? Geeez this is hard!!!! 1. My phone, 2. My car, 3. My TSU ring, 4. My diploma, and 5. My bed :)

If you could go back in time, what year would you travel to!? Probably 2009, I wouldn't have either back surgery and I would finish school on time. 

Are you usually late, on time, or early? If you are 15 mins early you are on time, always early. 

Summer or winter? Well I live in Texas so for most of the year it is summer, I'm not sure I know what a true winter is like. 

What is your favorite thing to shop for? Running clothes!!!

What is your favorite thing about blogging? The friends you meet and the reminder that others are going through similar things just like you are. 

11 Random Facts:

1. I am the baby of the family.
2. I broke my arm when I was 5.
3. I also had my tonsils taken out at 5 and got the chicken pox.
4. I drove the same car for 10 years (just recently got a new one)
5. I can touch my tongue to my nose.
6. I have 2 tattoos.
7. My favorite movie is Varsity Blues.
8. I am addicted to Netflix and have almost finished Grey's Anatomy.
9. It took me almost 10 years to finish college.
10. I have never been on a plane.
11. I have never been out of the country.

My 11 Nominees are:

1. Livin' n Learning By Amy- she is one of my very good friends and I love how she is always so honest about her struggles and success! 
2. Laura Darling- HILARIOUS she is always so funny and will always give you a good laugh.
3. ALG, Uninterrupted- Her boys are hilarious, she is always so real and raw, and she is such an inspiration for working towards her goals.
4. A Southern Twenty-Five- I recently stumbled across her blog and I am in LOVE! 
5. Loving Life Moore- I have enjoyed watching her little one grow up and also her posts are not sugar coated at all!
6. Honey + Biscuits- this new mama is full of SASS and has great advice. 
7. This is Not Nutcrackin'- I love her crafty, organized side and need more of that in my life :).
8. Pleas[e] and Carrots- I have loved following all of her wedding planning and all of her "so what's" are just perfect!
9. Fallon Thompson- Literally everything I have ever wanted to say and can't find the words, THIS girl can!!!
10. Lowcountry Mama- any gal that loves Hobby Lobby is a gal I can relate to.
11. Countdowns and Cupcakes-she too has a little black dog, of course she would be a fave!!!

My 11 questions:

1. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?
2. If you could have a conversation with anyone past or present who would it be?
3. Celeb crush is???
4. What is your favorite way to unwind after a stressful day?
5. Favorite clothing store?
6. What is one thing you love about blogging?
7. What is one thing you dislike about blogging?
8. Any big goals for 2016?
9. What was the last book you read?
10. What is your favorite book?
11. If you could relive any moment in your life, what moment would it be?

27 things

Saturday I will turn 28 (HOLY MOLY!!!). And even though I thought like would be totally different, I can't complain. I have a pretty great life and I know that even though it doesn't always feel like it, I am totally, exactly, perfectly right where God needs me to be. So I thought I would share 27 things I would tell my younger self:

1. No matter what, always work hard. It isn't always fun to be the only one busting a$$, but I PROMISE you it will ALWAYS be worth it.
2. Listen to your  mom, she knows waaaay more than you think. And even if all the other moms are cool and best friends with their daughters you'll be thankful she wasn't. 
3. Spend more time with your grandparents, one day they won't be as youthful as they once were. 
4. No matter how hard Dad is on you, there is a reason.
5. That high school crap that is running your life in 10 years won't matter one bit.
6. You'll lose friends and it's okay that you do.
7.  When you go to college you'll meet AMAZING friends and 10 years later you will still be friends with them!
8. Tarleton is going to be scary and hard, but just keep going! 
9. That boy that you meet and fall madly, deeply in love with won't be there 7 years later, but the lessons you will learn from loving him will last forever. And you will lose touch, but a part of you will always love him.
10. Back surgery BOTH of them will suck, you will want to give up more times than not, you will never get feeling back in your leg, you will still drag your foot every once in awhile, but YOU WILL RUN A HALF MARATHON!!!!!
11. You and your sister will fight all the time, but she loves you and always has your back. 
12. Your nephew will be the best thing that will ever happen to you, he will drive you bonkers, but life with him is much more interesting.
13. When you go back to Tarleton, you'll want to quit, A LOT. Then you'll find a major you love and find a new family. 
14. The moment you walk across that stage will be the most accomplished and proud you will ever feel. And the hugs from your family will be the best hug you have ever gotten. 
15. You will love that black dog more than life itself. 
16. You will struggle a lot, way more than you think you should. 
17. You will get your heart broken and you will become a little bitter, but you won't let it run your life. 
18. Working 2 jobs is hard, exhausting, and not a lot of fun, but you will survive it.
19. You'll lose someone that was influential in your college career you won't exactly be sure how to take it or how to feel about it. You will find yourself wanting to talk to her and tell her about exciting things, you'll get angry because she's gone, but what she taught you will always be with you.
20. Living in the "big city" will be a huge change, but embrace it!!!
21. When you are in a crappy mood RUN. It will make you feel better.
22. Wine and liquor will get the best of you more than once.   
23. You will be good "friends" with your parents and it will scare you how much you are more like dad than mom at times.
24. Turning 28 will scare the living crap out of you.
25. There is always joy in the journey even at the darkest times.
26. You will survive everything life throws at you, it won't feel like it at the time, but you will come out on the other side stronger maybe a little bruised, but stronger none the less.
27. It's okay to not be okay. 

You might be from Texas....

The Houston Rodeo is upon us and it is literally my favorite time of year! I love going to the rodeo, mostly because a lot of the participants are from my hometown or I went to college with.

I graduated from Tarleton State in Stephenville, TX if you don't know anything about the area, well Stephenville is THE Cowboy Capital of the World! And let me just say it is not unusal to have 4-5 members of the Rodeo Team in your classes. If you are lucky enough one will be in your group meaning that most Thursday-Sunday's will be unavailable to work on group projects with you.

I was lucky enough to have this happen to me, the first day of my marketing class my very first semester back this tall, lanky, team roper sat right beside me (this was before I knew this class would include groups). We ended up in a group together, our first assignment was get to know your group so we had to create a power point together about fun facts about all of us along with pictures. This is when I finally understood that this kid wasn't just some team roper. He was good and I mean WAY good!

We were super close!

We became friends that semester and after that didn't have another class together. Fast forward to March of 2013, I was at Rodeo Houston and I texted him asking when I was going to be watching him here. His response was hopefully in 2 years. Last year he won Houston and made his first appearance in the NFR.

Last night my friend invited me to go with her to the rodeo to see The Band Perry (if you haven't seen them, stop what you are doing RIGHT now and go buy tickets for their show, they WILL NOT disappoint.), I wasn't sure if I would know anyone that was up, but there is always a few from Stephenville, the surrounding area, or went to Tarleton. As the team ropers rode past to head to the boxes, I saw an all too familiar face. It was Shay! As he was making his way back to the other end of the area, I almost yelled at him, but decided against it.

The Band Perry

It is beyond surreal that just a few years ago he was sitting with me in a college class learning about marketing. It is even more surreal that he was roping exactly where he said he would be 3 years later. I am so very proud of him and all of his successes! He is a wonderful guy and an exceptional cowboy! If you are ever at a rodeo and he is signing autographs don't pass him up!

I may be going a little Fan Girl Crazy right now...