....someone to take the trash out......

I have been single for awhile and it isn't always the most fun thing I've ever done in my life. I realize it is necessary for whatever God's plans are for my life.

Sometimes I get tired of going to weddings alone, couples showers alone, family events alone, to the movies alone, or out to dinner, you guessed it.....alone.

I do most everything in my life without a plus 1, it's really tiring at times and I sometimes feel like God picked the wrong girl, He picked the wrong girl to do this thing called life alone. When things are hard and I just want to cry and have someone else make dinner, He picked the wrong girl. When I have yet another wedding to go to alone, He picked the wrong girl. When I have another family event alone, He picked the wrong girl. When there is a concert in town and I want to go, but don't want to go alone, He picked the wrong girl.

And sometimes the simple truth is sometimes, I just want someone else to take my trash out. I have been walking by my trashcan for the past few days and it has gotten more and more full (hold on now, I'm not filthy it just needs to be taken out and I just don't have the time at the moment) and I think to myself "Oh crap, I still need to take the trash out" and then I continue running out the door to whatever I have next and I get home and that darn trash is still there.

Yesterday, I thought it would be so nice to just have someone else take the trash out. And in an instant, I felt powerless, I can take my own d&m! trash out! I can go to the 400th wedding alone, I can make dinner even when I just want someone to hug me so tight my pieces fit back together. I can go to the family event and answer that God just hasn't sent the right one yet, when I get asked for the one millionth time why I'm single. I can go to that concert alone no matter how humiliating that might be for.

I will absolutely not lie to you and say that this season is an easy time in my life, cuuuuus it ain't y'all!! It just ain't. It's hard and sometimes dark and ugly. There are times when I feel forgotten or like I am being punished for something I did or didn't do. There are times when the silence in my apartment is deafening. There are times when I am so alone that it feels like a weight is sitting on my chest. There are times when I am struggling to pay bills and I think if I just had a second source of income to take some of the burden (I'm working 2 jobs, so please no remarks about getting a second job). There are times (a lot of them) that I yelled at Him and tell Him that "HE PICKED THE WRONG GIRL"!!!!!!! But He didn't pick the wrong girl.

He picked the right girl and until He picks the right guy, I'll just take my own trash out.