Friday, February 26, 2016

Getting Uncomfortable

I have recently started reading "Beautiful Uncertainty" by Mandy Hale, I have read her other 2 books and let me just say this fabulous lady just does NOT disappoint. And book 3 is no different. Even if you aren't single I HIGHLY recommend all 3 of her books, they are great advice on life in general. Thanks to my good blogging turned real life friend Amy for surprising me with the book!

In her newest book Mandy (like how we are on first name basis in my world :p) talks about a message that God laid on her heart to "get uncomfortable". As I was reading this chapter of the book I had this feeling like God led me to this book for this particular chapter. Now I am not finished with the book so I'm sure this will not be the first chapter I feel this way about.

I am notorious for staying in my messy  apartment, on my couch, cuddled with my Burke, binge watching something on Netflix, and most times a bottle or 2 of wine is included in this. I like "my world", I like being comfortable in what I know, and most times this leads me to be a spectator in my life.

Last Friday one of my co-workers turned 30, he invited me for drinks with his wife and some friends, I wanted to go but then again I didn't want to go. And suddenly I remembered getting uncomfortable, so I went, I had a great time with lots of laughs and met new people.

A few weeks ago I was talking to my therapist about how I don't like going to church alone. Let me follow that up by saying I do most everything alone, I've gone to the movies alone, out to eat alone, shopping alone so doing things alone isn't that big of a deal to me. However, for some reason that I can't figure out sitting in a huge church by myself on a pew bothers me. I am clearly not alone, but you get my point. She told me how she went to church for years by herself and prayed that her husband would start coming and sure enough last Sunday he was sitting beside her. So Sunday morning, I went alone and I sat on a pew with another young woman who was alone and I went to Sunday School alone.

To say that I was uncomfortable is an understatement. I was in a small room with about 10 other people that I had never met, alone. I am so glad I went, glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and did something I was DREADING doing! I have noticed that I'm saying "yes" to more things and even though I may not WANT to do them right away I end up having a great time.

I challenge you to "get uncomfortable", to try something new or experience something that you never thought you would do. Even if you are scared it's way more fun to be the leading role in your life than the supporting actress sitting on the couch!!


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Wednesday, February 24, 2016

2 weeks

It has been 2 full weeks since I have had a soda. For me that is a BIG deal!!! I didn't give up all caffeine because lets be honesty nobody wants that to happen. I really did everyone a favor by not giving that up!

The first few days were very very hard. I would've committed a crime for a Dr. Pepper, as the days have gone on I still want one but I think at this point its more because I can't have one. The first few days I was drinking water like crazy I know I had 96 oz about 5 days in a row.

I drink tea, margaritas, lemonade, and water of course. You don't realize how much you are addicted to something until you cut it out. I am also fully aware that I could have one on Sunday's, however I know if I allow myself to have one I will not get back on the wagon.

It really comes down to will power for me which is something I have never really been good at. I will say that I am finding water is almost starting to taste good to me now SHOCKINGLY!!!!! Something else I do is I have a 24 oz tumbler and drinking out of that is a lot easier than doing bottled water because saying I only need to drink 3 a day is a lot less scary than saying the acutal ounces I need to drink in a day.

The working out thing has faded out. I was doing really well and then I was at my part time job every evening after my full time job 4 nights in a row and then all day Saturday and Sunday so working out was the LAST thing I wanted to do. Things have slowed down a lot since then so I'm hoping to get back with it. I'm also thinking of joining a gym so that I can lift weights again. I just have to buckle down, stick to it, and get shit done!!!!

And yes this will totally be me at the end of Lent........
No judging either!!!!!

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Monday, February 15, 2016 almost did....

I won't lie, you came very close and at times I thought you had. The weak moments outweighed the strong time and time again. Tears came and went followed by memories of the good that was there for however short of a time it was there.

Missing you comes in waves there is no doubt about that, most days I don't miss you at all, other days it takes all I have not to call you. And maybe I don't miss you, maybe I miss the person you pretended to be.

You see we all wear masks at some point in time, masks that hide the ugly truth maybe the masks we wear are really the people that we want to be. For whatever reason we can't be that person without the mask. I don't blame it all on you, there are always two sides to every story.

You met a girl that was dealing with so much in her life and you were the first good thing in a long time. I never understood how I got so lucky and I thanked God every day for putting you in my life. My mask came off too and I tried so hard to put the pieces back together.

I like always fought and I fought hard to fix us, but we just couldn't be fixed. I have learned in life that you can't fight for a relationship that only one of you wants and you can't love someone enough for the both of you.

I made plans for us, I had all these cool things I wanted us to do and experience and now you are doing them with someone else. I don't understand and I never will because I'm not supposed to.

I thought you had and I'm sure you think you did and you almost did didn't break me!

You taught me that not everything that glitters is gold, that no matter how "perfect" someone appears to be that isn't the real person, and you taught me that I'm okay and I'm going to continue to be okay.

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Friday, February 12, 2016

Feet on the Floor

If I have learned anything about my fitness journey is that it is hard to start, it is hard to start over, and it is hard to put my feet on the floor at 4:45AM when my bed is warm and comfy. I have recently started over (side eye) with the Piyo and half marathon training schedule that I talked about here.

I have also been working my part time job every night this week which puts me home about 9 every night. My body doesn't handle working out that late, I'm then hyped up and can't sleep. So the past few mornings I have gotten up early to get my work outs in. I have also been running on a dreadmill treadmill and for me that is harder than running on the road.

I have given up sodas for lent (what was I thinking?!?!?!?) so today is only day 3, so far it has gone okay. I have drank 96 oz of water 2 days in a row and I can honestly say I'm tired of peeing.

The absolute hardest part for me is putting my feet on the floor, once I do that I'm okay. It is a struggle that I have fought every day this week. Unfortunately I lost that struggle today and didn't get up and that's okay because tonight when I get home I will work out. I don't have to be up super early in the morning so I will be able to unwind for a little longer tonight then I have this week.

Excuses are EVERYWHERE for me, and every day I have a choice to put my feet on the floor and take control or lay in bed and continue to toss and turn from what was a sleepless night. I can choose to go home after my part time job and eat a bowl of cereal instead of grabbing something from fast food. I can choose to feel good about myself for working out and being active or I can binge watch Netflix and complain about none of my clothes fitting. I won't/don't always win these choices and that is okay, because every day is a new day a chance to try it again.

I have also learned that hardly eating isn't what I need, or eating things with no substance to them. Meaning I'm not full for long, I need to go grocery shopping and I just haven't had the time so I'm using up what I have to eat. Being hungry makes me choose not good things (like this candy bowl staring at me on my desk). Everyone is different and only you can know what is best for you and your body, just because something worked for someone doesn't mean it will work for everyone.

With that being said don't give up! Keep going on days when you don't want to keep going that is when you have to dig deep and put your feet on the floor!!

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